January 22, 2015 Elijah Ogidi-Olu 1 Comments

Ever dated someone who calls you a lot like hell just to “check” on you or who expects you to use 24 hours to chat with them or who even asks you “Are you sure the contact you saved with ‘Mom’ is really your mum?” Then you just might have started smiling and shaking your head now cos you’ve gotten the drift.

Obsessive spouses are those who bring in the insecurities and trust issues of their previous relationships into the present one just because they can’t let it go and why they can’t let it go is because they are yet to forgive either the ex who hurt them and broke their heart and themselves (Yes!... Themselves cos they see themselves as fools in love who let their guard down, only for them to be left heartbroken.) They love with all their heart and break ups are a just a step away from death to them.

Most times, females are found in these category than males and the reason is simple- Females have more fragile hearts and when it comes to relationship issues, they gladly put everything into it, from their limbs to their internal organs so you can imagine how it would feel to get disappointed.
Obsessive Spouses (I mean after becoming obsessive) tend to subconsciously choke the life out of any relationship they get into by being too pushy, over-protective, suspicious and monitoring. They can ask silly questions like “It normally takes you 15minutes to drive home from work and I spoke with Anita who told me the road was free today. It took you twenty-five minutes today. Who is she?!”
I really don’t want to imagine your response if your gf/wife asks you this type of question but without any room for digression, she definitely is an obsessive lover, and their type can be extremely annoying.

The sorry thing about any obsessive lover is that there’s little you can help them with since only them can help themselves out of the ditch of letting the past be the past and coming out of their jail of unforgiveness and most importantly, making peace with themselves because until they make that ‘sacrifice’ they have very little chance of having a fluent and successful relationship. It’s only a matter of time before they push their partner to his/her toleration elastic limit and once their partners snap!, it’s another ex on the seemingly unending ex list.

Let us pause for a minute to help those who aren’t really sure if they are obsessive lovers or not by taking this questionnaire from Times of India. Answer the questions honestly and check your result below the questions.
There are several types relationships around us. However, one of the most harmful relationships is being in an obsessive one.

Take this quiz to know if you are an obsessive partner.

1. You came back home after spending a nice day with him/her and find out your parents are going out for the night? What do you do?

a) Call him/her over to spend more time

b) Talk to him/her over the phone for the rest of the evening

c) Catch up with friends or get back to doing some work

2. You've just woken up, what's the first thing you do?

a) Call and ask if he/she slept well and know the plan for the day

b) Check your phone for any messages from him/her

c) Start doing your morning chores

3. After about an hour long conversation, its time to say goodbye. What's your usual style?

a) "I love you, forever and ever!!"

b) "Bye, you hang up first, no I want don't want to hang up first (waste some time before finally hanging up)

c) "Bye, see you tomorrow"

4. You get online for some work and find him/her online too. What do you do?

a) You ask him why he/she is online in spite of having important work, and then start stalking him/her online

b) You start talking to him/her forgetting about your work

c) You ignore his/her presence and concentrate on your work

5. You were to go out on a dinner date with him/her, but it gets cancelled due to some family emergency?

a) You force him/her to make it any how since you just want to be with him/her
b) You get extremely annoyed and break things at home because you couldn't spend time with him/her

c) You understand and ask him/her if he/she needs help


Mostly A's:
You are an out-and-out obsessive lover. You need to give some space to your partner and stop breathing on his/her neck, since this will just make things worse. Stop being pushy and concentrate on other important things in life. You need to relax and trust your partner.

Mostly B's: You are borderline obsessive, and this can be harmful if the obsession gets stronger. You need to take it easy and start diverting your attention to other things as well.

Mostly C's: You are normal, not obsessive at all. However, you show signs of being indifferent towards your relationship at times. Try to be compassionate and ensure your relationship has enough warmth.

For those who already know and who just found they are obsessive please take this little piece of advice.
-          Stay single for at three to four months after your breakup to allow time do its work.

-         Your relationship didn’t work, was a collective effort of you and your ex. Take your own share of the blame

-          Run away from rebound relationships. I mean don’t enter any relationship to make your ex feel jealous. You’ll just hurt yourself the more cos that also won’t work

-         Stop stalking/monitoring your partner in your new relationship. Let them sometimes feel you have something else (career, education, family) you think about than them ALL the time.

-         Trust your partner not to hurt you instead of trying to make or force them not to hurt you. You’ll end up frustrating them and hurting yourself.

If you have any questions, suggestions and any other advice for Obsessive spouses, drop them in the comment section below.
For personal discussions or one-on-one session, send a mail to admin@maturemindstalk.com

Mature Minds Talk.

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1 comment:

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