January 06, 2017 Elijah Ogidi-Olu 2 Comments


How are you doing?

I’ve been following your Friday What Do You Think Series, and even I’ve dropped a comment or two when I could – I’m not really someone to share my personal issues but I would, this one, ‘cos I’ve sincerely had it up to here.

I’ll really appreciate it if I can get an opinion or two from mature minds, like the name of your website indicates.

My name is Danielle (name changed) and I’m 31 years old. I stay in Lagos with my husband of three years and I must say this year, 2016 has been the most tedious year for us and our kid. I met my husband in February 2011 a few months before he travelled to the UK, for his masters. He is smart, hardworking and loving. In short, my dream man.

After he came back to Nigeria in December 2012, he got a handsomely paying job with an Oil and Gas Company and we got married a couple of months later – February 2013, precisely. I was three months gone as at then. I also got a job at a bank and I must say the beginning of our marriage was the one of my dreams.

March 2014, was when all the problems started. The company underwent their useless needed restructuring and my husband got laid off. We were undertaking a personal project when this happened and saying the occurrence hit him hard is an extreme understatement. It took him a couple of months to start eating well, and to go back to his jovial and normal self.

It was depressing but I thank God, he didn’t slip into depression. He got another job three months later but resigned a couple of months later. He got another job with one of my uncle’s friends, just a month later but that also lasted a few months – he resigned. My uncle told me his friend told him he always acted like he wasn’t supposed to be there, and it badly affected his delivery.

Since then, he hadn’t even bothered getting another job. I’ve been the one shouldering the responsibility of the family, the best and most humble way I can. All he’s done is gone for a couple of interviews and nothing else after that. All pleas for him to start something on the side while the search goes on has fallen on deaf ears.

I haven’t really made much of a big deal about this, except occasional arguments when I feel the weight of it all on my shoulders. And oh, asides from being a banker, I’m also a make-up artist. One thing I’ve tried to avoid whenever we argue is bring his career status into it. The economic recession this year changed all that. It was too much for me. I had times when I broke down crying when alone.

I almost don’t have anything to show in my savings account because I always made it seem he’s the one doing everything. The recession (probably not), made us argue almost every day. But I’m always quick to apologize and come back to my senses that I can’t argue or fight with the head of my home.

A month ago, he left the house for days and after much searching, I found out he’s been drinking and smoking, and going to brothels. I almost ran mad. We’ve not spoken since then ‘cos I also angrily left the house with my daughter to my friend’s.

I sincerely don’t know what to do – Whether it’s to plead with him to forgive me for… (I don’t know) or just leave him to enjoy himself. Or… I don’t know – I’m heartbroken. I do my best to keep our secrets secret but this is all I get in return. I don’t know what to do and asides the fact I feel like a single mum, I still love him and don’t want to lose him.

I’ll also like to know your opinion on this issue.

Thanks a lot and have a Merry Christmas in advance.


Mature Minds Talk.

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  1. I think you should talk to him heart to heart first (without arguments) when he's in a good mood. And if that doesn't work, u both should see a marriage counsellor. God help you.

  2. Merry Christmas in arrears to you. LoL
    Interesting article.